Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you never un-have a 4some
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
