Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
