were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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