I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
