all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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