i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
