you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
