it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
