fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
