ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
accomplished twins. life is a go
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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