The maid of honor just puked.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
high people should be assigned attendants
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
