I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
