oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
