Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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