They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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