I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
