I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
