I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
