Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh god it's open bar.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
