i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
