I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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