She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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