That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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