this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just high enough for therapy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
