I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
