i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
whose parrot is this?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
