I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
