I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
