it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
