Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
