i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
