look no pants
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
