Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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