I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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