I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's just so happy...and so naked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
