A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
