He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
