saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
