I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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