Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
