He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
