So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
