i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
