Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
