hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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