is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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