i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
