I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
