I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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