My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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