I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
