Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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